By The Sea

In College He looked at me, almost glaring, “Are you committed or not?” “Yes, I am committed,” I may have even added an eye roll, but I can’t be quite sure. If I were to take a guess though I added the eye roll. This was a conversation I had with my husband 12 weeks ago. For some crazy reason he had decided that he was going to take on the job of being my personal trainer and for some crazy reason I agreed. I guess to really appreciate the magnitude of this you need some of our history. He was the athletic jock in high school.   The Varsity Athlete, Captain of the football team…He wore his letterman jacket a lot. It was a staple to his “Jock” wardrobe like the sweatpants, cut up sweatshirts and t-shirts. Not a really pretty picture but it was the 80’s. I on the other hand occupied my time with anything else so I would not have to work out. I really could not be bothered with sweating in a room for the sake of vanity. Clearly health was not an issue for me back then.  

Carina and Caesar She told me this week she was done...finished with tears in her eyes. Her voice was loud, direct and forceful with a hint of fear. I heard the fear mostly. I usually ignore the tears but I heard the fear. I tried to question her about the fear but it only made her angrier...more upset. She turned my questions into hate and accused me of hating her. How could she ever imagine in her mind that I could ever have the capacity in my soul to hate her? My oldest daughter...my first born...the child that changed my entire life and existence. I felt disappointment...sadness but hate, never hate.  I picked her up from the barn after her riding lesson. She cried the whole way home. She said, "Mom...I can't do this anymore. I don't want to ride anymore. I haven't wanted to ride for a long time. I have been doing it for you. I don't want to upset you but it is not fun doing something when you are always afraid." That was all I heard....

A beautiful sky that my daughter captured with her camera. Have you ever wondered what it means to be beautiful? The definition of the word BEAUTIFUL as an adjective is  1. Having beauty; possessing qualities that give great pleasure or satisfaction to see, hear, think about, etc. Well, that really did not satisfy what I was looking for. I simply can read a great deal more into the word qualities. I think each one of us would have our own list of qualities that qualify as beautiful. Then there is the age piece. What I thought was beautiful at 20 is not maybe the same as I think now at 40. However I think it is a powerful question. Giving the society we live in today and attempting to raise 3 socially conscious girls that will sometime soon be women, what is beautiful?  A beautiful sunset in Carmel California To sound like a complete flower child I would start off by saying nature is beautiful in a breathtaking, stop me in my tracks way. The sunrises and s

Rosina Grandmother’s Rocking Chair… If I close my eyes gently I can still see her. Her smile lit inside of me a feeling of love and trust. She was the one constant, strong and honest person in my life. I knew if I felt scared, hopeless or in danger, I could go stay at my grandmother's house. I am not sure if her house was similar to any other grandmothers in the 1970-1980's but I have always felt it wasn't. She was not the typical grandmother of those years. Sometimes it seemed as if God preserved her in a time warp for me so I could have some home grown old fashion goodness instilled in my spirit. Growing up in those years felt like things moved fast, she didn't. We had old fashioned, family, Sunday dinners. There were family games played outside and many hours helping her in the kitchen. If she needed something at the store...we walked. She didn't have a driver’s license and didn't want it. She wore knee highs or tights everyday becaus

A beautiful picture of Boston I found on the web I am not sure what to feel right now so here I am typing away. The Boston Marathon such a historic and loved event. Here we are again... another incident. Another act of violence towards innocent people again. How much more can we take? How much more can New England endure, The Country endure, and the World endure? I feel such sadness that another incident has taken place. I don't like to feel hopeless but I get a sense the world that I love is really changing and I don't think I like the road we are going down.  I feel for the runners, the spectators, the hundreds and hundreds of volunteers that help to put on the Boston Marathon. I never like to ask why something has happened but I just wonder, "How could you, whoever you are?" I feel like I am asking that question a lot lately. What makes a person feel so much hatred that they focus all their energy into thoughts and plans of violence an

I have always held a passion for educating girls. Maybe it comes from the fact that I was once a girl wanting to be educated. It could have been that amazing all girl school in the mountains of Berkshire Massachusetts where I fondly spent a lot of time. It could have been my strong willed, Italian mother who insisted I would be different. I would be an educated female in my family. All I know is that a fire has been burning inside of me for years that girls need a real education. Not something they just slide through but an education that awakens their soul and opens their eyes to possibilities that they never felt possible. So it should be of no great surprise to anyone or myself that I attended a screening of a movie last night on just this topic. I made sure I brought my husband and daughters along. It is always a good idea to share knowledge with others if you want your passion to spread.  So there we were in a beautiful, new movie theatre in Downtown Hartford get

Tibet the Rescue Dog… He sat in his cage at the pound not moving. He was dirty, filthy dirty. In his left eye was a large, swollen bubble of skin. I would later learn that is called a cherry eye. He looked very sad and quiet. Everyone else was looking at the cute little Shih Tzu named Bella. She was wearing an even cuter sweater and jumping up and down with the prospect of meeting a new family. But he just sat there, not moving almost not breathing, as if to say I know you won’t pick me. My heart felt complete sorrow for him. I didn’t know how old he was. I didn’t know his history. I didn’t even know if he liked kids when I asked for him to be taken out of his cage. I would learn that he had been there for three weeks and no one wanted him. I would learn that the volunteer at the facility was worried he would not become adopted and would be ruined by being in the pound for so long.  I would learn that he was sick with worms, and a double ear infection, which most likely caused

I am home again after five amazing days in majestic Montana. Five amazing days with a family of friends that I just met. Who knew I would meet so many soul friends in such a short period of time. Maybe it was the magic of Montana, the fresh cold air or all the vegan food that we ate. I can't say for sure what is attributing to this new connection of love but it's there. So now what to do when you spend five days in a feeling of bliss. What to do about school runs, laundry, grocery shopping, answering the phone.... could that same recording phone call please stop calling my house. Walk the dogs, clean the dogs, and make those lists. Pay the bills, teach CCD class, did they pick a Pope yet?   I am not even sure how to eat. I never had a problem with that, though others might say, "She was always a picky eater." Can I really ingest animal products ever again? Well, maybe a turkey meatball or chicken cutlet would be fine but I have no desire to have it right now... sorr